The Extraordinary Diagnosis

 The Extraordinary Diagnosis

    The first years of Titus’ life seemed so normal to Nathan and me. We had a sweet, quiet, and determined little boy. He got his teeth early, he started walking at 9 months old and was always running around with lots of energy. As he reached age two, we did notice was that he wasn’t talking yet. Our friends and doctor reassured us that it was common for first children have a speech delay until they were three and sometimes even later in some cases. At the time we weren’t worried and figured he was an early walker so he probably would be a late talker.

    From age two until about four years old, we started hearing comments and questions from well meaning people. “Does he have autism?” “Did you know he doesn’t talk?” “He doesn’t seem to make much eye contact.” Even though they were valid questions, it hurt. I remember asking Nathan, “Do you think he has autism?” The doubts and worries started to settle in after the months went by. Nate said, “Jessica, until it is a yes it’s a no.” I was so thankful for that simple phrase Nate would keep reminding me of. It helped ease my heart and the hurt from people’s questions.

    Once we celebrated Titus’ fourth birthday, it was undeniable that Titus was different than most kids his age. He was quite far behind in his speech and understanding. A few days after his birthday, we were driving in the car and Nate said, “I think it’s time for us to have Titus evaluated for autism.” As hard as it was for for me to hear, I agreed. It was time.

    On October 23, 2019 we took Titus to see a development specialist to be evaluated for autism and cognitive delays. After their series of evaluations, the doctor sat us down. I will never forget those words come out of the doctors mouth. “Titus has shown the signs for Autism Spectrum Disorder and we believe he is on the level 1 spectrum.”  I don’t really remember what she said after that. My mind was processing what I had just heard. I choked back the tears. I remember looking down at Titus with a smile as I tried to hide my tears. He jumped up on my lap and gave me a hug. I knew God was using Titus right then and there to minister to my soul. It was like I got a hug from Jesus in that moment.  I gathered my strength and said to her, “As much as we didn’t want to hear these words, it does not change who Titus is right now, how much we love him, or our sweet relationship we have with Him.”

    This last year took a lot of processing for me. Emotionally and spiritually. I had to come to terms with what this meant for the rest of our life. I had to get comfortable saying “Sorry, my child is on the spectrum.” When Titus would budge in front of other kids or cry because he didn’t understand waiting to share a toy. Titus wasn’t “A brat who needs a spanking at home” His mind just works differently and sharing or taking turns has to be taught diligently on a daily basis and still then it doesn’t always click for months or even years.

    The news of his diagnosis was not only tough at times, but it was freeing! Free to let Titus be who HE IS. Free to understand he is truly different. Free to learn in his own ways. Free to let go of “where Titus should be compared to his peers.” Autism Spectrum Disorder can not steal my joy and love I have for Titus, because we love Him for every part of who He is. Autism does not define Titus. Titus is funny, so sweet, content, happy, loves people and so much more! God knew exactly what he was doing when he created Titus in my womb. Society looks down on children with autism, but I look up and know God has a higher calling for our beautiful Titus! 

 

 Let’s reframe our mind and thoughts towards children on the spectrum. They are truly amazing and unique in every way. No matter how they arrived to their diagnosis or what caused it, let’s rally around these families and love on them and their unique children!