Embrace Joy and Release Expectations

Embrace Joy and Release Expectations 




 “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say Rejoice.” Philippians 4:4


    From the moment we held Titus in our arms up to the moment we received His autism diagnosis, there weren’t a lot of signs of autism. We knew he struggled with speech and communication, but he didn’t really seem “autistic” to us.

    Once the spring of 2020 came, we started noticing a shift in Titus. He was making bigger strides with his speech and communication and with that we started noticing some autistic behaviors. He was understanding fear and started having meltdowns. When he would get really excited he would start flapping his hands and jumping up and down. This was new territory for us. We were puzzled. “Why now?”

    Nothing had changed medically or physically. He hadn’t been exposed to any chemicals or mold.

    I would even say pridefully in my heart at that time I was a little disappointed, “I didn’t think we were going to have to worry about those behaviors.” I thought to myself. “He has been so easy!”

    Not long after we started noticing these different behaviors we started supplements with his functional chiropractor, we cleaned up his diet, and went gluten free. Within a week we started noticing a huge difference in Titus’ behavior. He mellowed out a lot. Not only that, but we could tell a shift in his speech and learning ability.

    However, the autistic behaviors never went completely away.


    During his homeschool group class that semester, we had a really hard day. I had a newborn, a two year old and then on top of that I had Titus bouncing off the walls and not paying attention. I was struggling internally. “I can’t get him to sit still, I can’t get him to concentrate.” I thought to myself.

    I felt so different. My heart hurt knowing that I was walking in territory that was going to be our forever. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. So I prayed to God, “Lord please show me what you are trying to teach me through Titus. What are you trying to expose in my heart?”

    Right away, God brought the words to my mind. “Release your expectations(and pride)and embrace the joy.”

    I know my heart was prideful. I wanted to feel “normal” I wanted to have a behaving child. I wanted to teach my child kindness, patience, gentleness, and self control; and for Titus to "get it."

    While all of these things are good things to teach, realistically it can take years to teach your "ordinary" children these characteristics. So depending on the severity of autism, it will be a life long teaching and modeling to your "Extraordinary" kids. To be honest, some of those hard days you just feel tired and defeated and you wonder how you can make it.

    Once I turned away from my pride,(it’s a daily turning) I realized how much joy there was when I let go of my expectations of Titus and how he should act, and just embraced who he is. The extraordinary and imperfect. The Lord continually reminded me that we have an extraordinary boy. We can still teach him the fruits of the spirit and to love Jesus with His whole heart, but with the reality that it might take more time and hard work. 

    Titus can’t control some of his behaviors right now and I have to embrace that part of Him. I have to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. I have to love the different. I have to embrace the forever with joy! I have to let go of the expectations of society. I have to let go of strangers staring and puzzled faces. 

    We welcome and embrace Titus with open arms. Knowing that he is God’s gift to us; A strong arrow that we will point to Christ in every way God gives us.  

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth." Psalms 127:4



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