I Never Thought it Would Be Me

 


"I Never Thought it Would Be Me"


 

     
    As I lay in my bed on a winter night, I am pondering where I am right now in life. Have you ever looked at your family picture and felt unbelief that you are married with kids? Wasn’t I just just a girl dreaming of having a future spouse and kids some day? The reality flashed before my mind. As I look at our family picture, the reality of what God planned for Nate and me is beautiful, surprising, and extraordinary.

But, I never thought it would be me.


    During each of my pregnancies there have been points where you have little worries. Will my baby be healthy? Will it be normal? Gasp! Will I have a special needs baby? Doesn’t every mom have those thoughts and wonders? Yes? No? If not, it must just be me? It seemed almost like a selfish or hurtful thing to think about, but I truly never thought I could be capable of being an Extraordinary mom. I specifically remember a conversation I had with a friend before I was pregnant with Titus. I remember saying, “I could never be a special needs mom! Surely, God knows I can’t handle that right?” (Haha was I in for a huge surprise!)

 


    As I snuggle and give Titus hugs before bed, I choked back the tears, “Lord, I lack patience. I lack gentleness. I lack self control.  I am not capable Lord! How can I do this Lord? You picked the wrong person for this job!”

 


The truth is, I am NOT capable. But, God IS capable. He gives us his Word to equip us for every good work.

 


“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly EQUIPPED for every good work.”
‭‭II Timothy‬ ‭3:16-17‬ ‭

 


God WILL equip me(and Nathan)for this calling He has given to us as a family.

 

 
Jesus will give me His unending patience, gentleness and peace in the chaos. Jesus illustrated this so well in Mark 4.

“Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!””
‭‭Mark‬ ‭4:36-41‬ ‭

    Jesus was sleeping on the boat during a storm at sea with his disciples. You can’t get anymore peaceful than that! Not only was Jesus calm during the storm, but He CALMED the storm. The storm ceased as Jesus spoke. Wow! If he can calm the Sea, how much more can he calm my heart through this unknown time in our life? As Jesus says, “(Jess)Why are you so fearful? How is that you have no faith?”

    This verse is God speaking to me this very second and it leaves me speechless. Literally. Why am I so fearful? Where is my faith? Even though I never thought I could be an Extraordinary mom, that is what God called me to be. Here I am Lord. With YOUR power. With YOUR strength. With YOUR leading. With YOUR patience. With YOUR gentleness. With YOUR love.

 


“Walk with me Jesus. Equip me. I need you.”




 

Comments

  1. KSMcKFebruary 2, 2021 at 9:30 AM

    God will continue to equip and strengthen every day! Proverbs 10:18 The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous runs into it and is safe. I need to run to the LORD for my strength and safety daily, as a mom and grandma! Titus has a very special place in this grandma's heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LovemyrjmjjFebruary 3, 2021 at 2:29 PM

    Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21

    ReplyDelete

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