Ask and it will be given; seek and you will find; Knock and it will be opened.


Ask and it will be given; seek and you will find; Knock and it will be opened.




This week was Titus’ first week of full days at school. He is in kindergarten in Mrs. B’s room. He has his para Miss Stacey who has been wonderful for Titus. 


The past few weeks his favorite and obsessive toy has been his 

Mini Pixar Cars Sheriff Police Car and his “Ace” bike.(he loves riding his two wheeler!) He loves those favorite toys and I can tell as he acts out those characters it makes Him so happy. Which then makes me so happy watching Him. 





Right now he is oblivious to the difference between himself and most kids his age. He just loves life and it’s so sweet to watch. Right now it’s comforting to know that he doesn’t know about his autism or that he is extraordinary yet. For I know the day will come when he notices or we tell him. But right now his innocence is so precious. I always feel an overwhelming love for every part about Titus. I just love joining into his world of play and repeating his words he likes to say. “Go fast Ace Bike!” “Sheriff Police car go!” Just being his mommy makes me so happy. It’s mind blowing that God entrusted The Extraordinary Boy to us. It’s such a privilege. 





But as always the wonderful moments also are followed by the hard moments. Titus hasn’t been keeping the best track of his favorite toys lately which unfortunately leads into meltdowns when he can’t find them. He will continue to repeat the names of the toys missing no matter how long it takes and so we search and search and search. Not only do we search, but we have Titus right next to us repeating that toy as we search. Sometimes short minutes and sometimes 40 minutes and sometimes longer. 




Well after trying to find that favorite toy daily, tonight I ended up in the front yard walking back and forth trying to find his mini yellow pizza planet truck. As my feet ached, my tired body kept searching. My mental exhaustion was catching up to me. “How many more times do I have to search for this and that? I feel so tired Lord. The obsession and constant repeating over and over again is exhausting and just about puts me over the edge and this is just more than I can handle.”


Earlier in the day when Titus was at school,  I had a not so great mom moment as I grouched at and scolded Sterling for hurting his sister. As I laid in bed putting the kids down for naps, I was convicted right away. I rolled over and told sterling that I was sorry I was harsh and asked for his forgiveness. I prayed to the Lord and confessed my sinful heart. I asked the Lord to help me respond in the right way during stressful moments and important parenting and teaching moments.  I was tired and mentally drained and I knew the day was only beginning and there were bound to be more patience testing. 


Well fast forward to sunset and I knew that I was being tested once again in how I was going to respond to yet another tiring search for Titus’ car. I was being stretched. Stretched far beyond my ability. I prayed for more of God’s strength. I was reminded of this verse; “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7. God’s patience and grace was being extended to me. I could feel his presence and his stillness. 


Tomorrow will be another day. Another day of lost toys, searching, another day of stressful moments, aching feet, tears, and exhaustion. But it will also be another day for snuggles and hugs and love. It will be another day where Jesus is right there, extending his grace and stillness to me. His patience and kindness to me. 





I could never walk this road without my faithful father Jesus. He is always there when I need Him. Anytime I knock He is there. He always answers. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Embrace Joy and Release Expectations

Image
Embrace Joy and Release Expectations    “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say Rejoice.” Philippians 4:4      From the moment we held Titus in our arms up to the moment we received His autism diagnosis, there weren’t a lot of signs of autism. We knew he struggled with speech and communication, but he didn’t really seem “autistic” to us.      Once the spring of 2020 came, we started noticing a shift in Titus. He was making bigger strides with his speech and communication and with that we started noticing some autistic behaviors. He was understanding fear and started having meltdowns. When he would get really excited he would start flapping his hands and jumping up and down. This was new territory for us. We were puzzled. “Why now?”      Nothing had changed medically or physically. He hadn’t been exposed to any chemicals or mold.      I would even say pridefully in my heart at that time I was a little disappointed, “I...
Read more

Coming to Terms with Titus' Diagnosis

Image
Coming to terms with Titus’ diagnosis      There are so many stages and feelings on coming to terms with Titus being on the spectrum. I have realized one of the reasons his diagnosis has become hard to swallow is that you kind of want your family to be this little perfect family. You want to do all the fun things. You want uncomplicated road trips and fun crazy outings. Nathan is very spontaneous and I am a huge extrovert and people person. Put those together and we love to go out and do fun things and be around people. You want life to be and feel normal or “ ordinary. ”  You want people to love ️you(yes, prideful!)and love your kids. However, God has changed my heart in realizing my sin in some of those thoughts. Surprise! I am prideful!       There have been multiple situations in the past year that has awakened realty for Nathan and me. At first the knowledge of his diagnosis didn’t change much for us. In most areas Titus can be pretty chill a...
Read more

The Extraordinary Diagnosis

Image
  The Extraordinary Diagnosis      The first years of Titus’ life seemed so normal to Nathan and me. We had a sweet, quiet, and determined little boy. He got his teeth early, he started walking at 9 months old and was always running around with lots of energy. As he reached age two, we did notice was that he wasn’t talking yet. Our friends and doctor reassured us that it was common for first children have a speech delay until they were three and sometimes even later in some cases. At the time we weren’t worried and figured he was an early walker so he probably would be a late talker.      From age two until about four years old, we started hearing comments and questions from well meaning people. “Does he have autism?” “Did you know he doesn’t talk?” “He doesn’t seem to make much eye contact.” Even though they were valid questions, it hurt. I remember asking Nathan, “Do you think he has autism?” The doubts and worries started to settle in after the mont...
Read more